The invisible audience
Leadership | Soft Skills
Why leaders must speak as if everyone is in the room
Even the most accomplished leaders occasionally misspeak. There are moments when words are uttered, criticisms are voiced, or opinions about colleagues are expressed that, in retrospect, one wishes could be retracted.
This is not a unique failing but a common human tendency, yet for leaders, it carries a particularly potent and often minimised risk.
The impact of such unguarded communication, especially when discussing peers, colleagues, or team members who are not present, creates a dangerous and frequently invisible ripple effect throughout an organisation.
The misconception is that these discussions remain contained within the immediate conversation. However, the reality is far more impactful: the probability that these words will find their way back to the person under examination is higher than most leaders expect.
Once a person learns that a leader or colleague has spoken ill of them, the ability to engage with that person in the same way is profoundly compromised. Trust, the very bedrock of productive working relationships, becomes incredibly difficult to rebuild.
The unseen damage
Words spoken in confidence, or even casually, about an absent colleague possess an uncanny ability to find their way back to the subject.
This phenomenon is not a matter of chance but a predictable outcome of human social networks and the way information propagates.
It operates much like a "telephone game," where the original message, however mild or well-intentioned, can be distorted, exaggerated, or misinterpreted with each retelling.
By the time the criticism reaches the person it concerns, it often transforms into something far more damaging and personal than the speaker ever intended, turning a private comment into a perceived public backstabbing.
This goes beyond mere hurt feelings; it represents a deep breakdown in psychological safety.
The individual feels exposed, vulnerable, and betrayed, leading to a natural disengagement and a hesitation to collaborate, contribute openly, or share innovative ideas with the person who has undermined them.
Employees may begin to guard themselves, refuse to share information or ideas, or retreat to avoid toxic interactions.
A leader's careless words do not merely affect one person; they can poison the entire well of organisational trust, impacting collective morale, reducing overall productivity, and even damaging the company's ability to attract and retain top talent.
Furthermore, the prevalence of gossip within an organisation is often a symptom or consequence of deeper systemic issues, frequently stemming from leadership practices. If gossip thrives, it indicates a vacuum of transparency, clarity, or psychological safety that leaders have failed to address adequately.
Organisational triggers for gossip include poor communication from leadership, micromanagement, favouritism, and unclear roles or expectations.
When left unchecked, gossip can begin to shape an organisation's culture and values, fostering a culture of fear where employees worry about being the subject of sharp tongues or pulling back from coworkers.
Building bridges, not walls
Trust is not merely a desirable quality or a "soft skill"; it is the absolute, non-negotiable foundation upon which successful organisations and effective leadership are built.
Leadership is fundamentally about influencing and inspiring others, and this cannot be achieved effectively without trust.
Leaders are the primary architects of organisational culture. By consistently modelling respectful behaviour, transparency, and authenticity, they actively create a psychologically safe environment where employees feel comfortable speaking up, taking calculated risks, and expressing their true selves without fear of reprisal or judgment.
Trust creates a psychologically safe environment where people feel comfortable taking risks, openly communicating, and solving problems together.
The "in the room" rule is not just a personal communication guideline; it is a cultural imperative that, when applied, actively promotes the psychological safety essential for true innovation, collaboration, and high-performing teams.
Strategies for practising the "In the Room" rule
While the "in the room" rule is undeniably solid advice, it is also challenging to act, sustain, or consistently live up to.
True ability is not about occasional adherence but requires persistent, consistent application across all interactions.
This means intentionally speaking with the same candour, tone, concern, and level of detail as if those others were actively listening in.
A vital strategy involves framing criticisms as questions or concerns, rather than definitive assertions or statements of fact.
This approach helps prevent inadvertently crossing the line and "throwing a colleague under the bus." This subtle but powerful linguistic shift invites dialogue, understanding, and problem-solving rather than shutting down communication.
The mental exercise of presuming the colleague is in the room acts as a powerful self-correction mechanism.
This internal filter helps ensure objective, fair comments and delivers with kindness, even when addressing challenging topics.
A practical framework for this filtering process involves asking three questions before speaking: "Is it verifiably true? Does it need to be said? Does it need to be said by me, right now?" If the answer to any of these is no, then silence is the most prudent course of action.